One can't be expected to have an opinion about everything.
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Should Engelbert Humperdinck represent the UK in the Eurovision Song Contest?
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Should Ken Barlow stay at Emmerdale Farm?
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Who is your favourite Geordie Shore character?
I could ponder such questions until next Michaelmas and
still fail to come up with any opinions.
And so it was, until recently, with the question of
extending the institution of marriage to include partnerships between people of
the same gender. Don't get me wrong, I've always supported the notion of equal
rights for all, regardless of gender, ethnicity, creed (or lack of creed), and
sexuality. I've never been able to fathom why what other consulting adults do
in bed together should even be an issue (let alone an "
issue" - in
the sense of that word when it is misused as it increasingly is today). But I
suppose I don't perhaps take the institution of marriage quite as seriously as
some. Marriage is simply a human institution like the rules of Scrabble or any
other code we've invented and live by. We are free (collectively) to do
whatever we like with such institutions.
As it happens
I'm married, but if the continuation of my
relationships with my wife and kids were somehow contingent on a piece of paper
in a drawer somewhere, our relationships would - I submit - be rather sorry
ones. Certainly, claims that the sex my wife and I have had since obtaining the
aforementioned sheet of paper is somehow more "moral" than that we
enjoyed beforehand are simply absurd.
Anyway, I digress somewhat.
What really persuaded me to take an interest in "gay
marriage" was not some personal impulse to share the "benefits"
of this institution with a small (though significant) number of gay people (who, after all, already enjoy marriage-in-all-but-name
in the form of "civil partnerships") but the sheer irrationality and
disingenuity of the arguments against such a change.
First of all came Britain's most senior Catholic, Cardinal
Keith O'Brien's “
We Cannot Afford to Indulge this Madness”.
Now I might have simply retorted: “Why should I take
anything seriously that a celibate man in a Little Bo-Peep outfit and gold-lamé
penis-shaped hat has to say on the subject of gay-marriage?” indeed I believe I
did thus retort; but I suppose I ought to extend Cardinal O'Brien's the courtesy of examining
his arguments in more detail.
Cardinal O’Brien begins:
Civil partnerships have been in
place for several years now, allowing same-sex couples to register their
relationship and enjoy a variety of legal protections.
When these arrangements were
introduced, supporters were at pains to point out that they didn’t want
marriage, accepting that marriage had only ever meant the legal union of a man
and a woman.
This was of course exactly the other way round.
Supporters of the gay cause wanted full marriage but civil partnerships were
introduced instead as a conciliatory gesture towards those who opposed the
notion of gay marriage.
He continues:
Those of us who were not in
favour of civil partnership, believing that such relationships are harmful to
the physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing of those involved, warned that in
time marriage would be demanded too. We were accused of scaremongering then,
yet exactly such demands are upon us now.
So marriage (in its full form) is a “stabilising influence” and
a “worthwhile institution” for heterosexuals, but marriage (in its watered down
“civil partnership” form) is “harmful to the physical, mental and spiritual
wellbeing of those involved”. Sorry, but I just can’t see the logic there; or,
if there were any logic, it would seem to lead in the direction of full
marriage rights for gay people.
But can we simply redefine terms
at a whim?
Yes, and we often do. I agree this is not always a good thing (see
“issue” above) but redefining words is hardly something that is going to shake
civilization to its foundations. In any case, the long drawn out process of
redefining “marriage” could hardly be described as taking place “at a whim”.
Can a word whose meaning has been
clearly understood in every society throughout history suddenly be changed to
mean something else?
Has the meaning of this word been clearly understood in
every society throughout history?
Has the Cardinal read the Bible?
Has he read, for example, Genesis 4:19 “And Lamech took unto
him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.”
No mention that God had a problem with this. Or Genesis 17:16 where God blesses
Abraham’s marriage to Sarai – his half-sister.
In any case, even if the meaning of this word
had been clearly understood throughout
history, what stops us changing it to mean something else? See “brontosaurus”
or “retirement age” … or, once again, “issue”.
In Article 16 of the Universal
Declaration on Human Rights, marriage is defined as a relationship between men
and women. But when our politicians suggest jettisoning the established
understanding of marriage and subverting its meaning they aren’t derided.
This bit is easily dealt with. It simply isn’t true.
Article 16 of the Universal Declaration on Human Rights says:
- Men and women of full age,
without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to
marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage,
during marriage and at its dissolution.
- Marriage shall be entered
into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
- The family is the natural and
fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and
the State.
Nothing there whatsoever about men having to marry women and
woman having to marry men. Just a statement that both have the right to marry
and to have equal rights in the process.
This brings us to the one
perspective which seems to be completely lost or ignored: the point of view of
the child. All children deserve to begin life with a mother and father; the
evidence in favour of the stability and well-being which this provides is
overwhelming and unequivocal. It cannot be provided by a same-sex couple,
however well-intentioned they may be.
Certainly all children to date
(apart of course from the Christ-child) began life with a genetic mother and
father. It may of course become possible in future to produce children from
same sex genetic parents, but I’m not sure how gay marriage would help or
hinder the science here. As for the suggestion that same-sex parents (genetic
or otherwise) cannot provide the same stability and well-being that
opposite-sex parents can, there is no evidence and certainly no “overwhelming
and unequivocal” evidence that this is true. In fact the reverse may be true [see
eg
Children Raised by Lesbians Do Just Fine, Studies Show].
Same-sex marriage would eliminate
entirely in law the basic idea of a mother and a father for every child. It
would create a society which deliberately chooses to deprive a child of either
a mother or a father.
If same sex marriage were allowed, the vast majority of
families would just as continue as before. A few gay couples might (as now) adopt
or employ donors or surrogates in order to produce a child who was genetically
related to one parent, but not a single family would be
deprived of a mother or a father – unless the Cardinal is suggesting that, deprived of the opportunity to marry a same sex partner, gay
people would just decide “on second thoughts I’ll just go off and marry someone
of the opposite sex instead”?
Other dangers exist. If marriage
can be redefined so that it no longer means a man and a woman but two men or
two women, why stop there? Why not allow three men or a woman and two men to
constitute a marriage, if they pledge their fidelity to one another? If
marriage is simply about adults who love each other, on what basis can three
adults who love each other be prevented from marrying?
This is the old “slippery-slope”: allow A and they’ll allow
B next. I’m reminded off Diogenes’s argument that touching your mother's foot
is incest because all the rest is a matter of degree. But not only is this
style of argument logically unsound, it has been falsified empirically on many
occasions. As I was growing up in the 1960s and 1970s you often heard (or read)
the argument that acceptance of homosexuality – which was (let us not forget)
illegal between men in England and Wales until 1967 and in some parts of the UK
up until 1982 – would
eventually lead to the acceptance of paedophilia. The exact opposite has happened.
Greater and greater tolerance of homosexuality has developed in parallel with
greater and greater intolerance towards paedophilia. And quite right too (on
both counts) I say.
And even simply sticking with Cardinal O’Brien’s example of
polygamy (which is – as has been noted – taken for granted in the Bible) from
what I’ve read on the subject, polygamy is increasingly frowned upon by (for example) the US
authorities – even in
Utah
– at a time when more and more states are considering or embracing same-sex
marriage.
But there’s more:
In November 2003, after a court
decision in Massachusetts to legalise gay marriage, school libraries were
required to stock same-sex literature; primary schoolchildren were given homosexual
fairy stories such as King & King.
Oh dear, how terrible! A fairy tale about two kings who are a couple.
I wonder if Cardinal O’Brien has read Grimms’ Fairy stories
in the original? In any case the above claim (even if it were true) is another
example of a logical fallacy. The fallacy even has a name: “the
post hoc ergo propter
hoc fallacy”. What actually seems to have happened is that this book
(originally published in the Netherlands) was translated and published in the
USA. It was made available or in some cases read out in some schools or
libraries and some parents reacted by bringing lawsuits to require those
schools and libraries ban the book. You can read the full story
here
But O’Brien saves the best until last (well almost last –
his final flourish is to repeat the lie about the Universal Declaration of
Human Rights):
Disingenuously, the Government
has suggested that same-sex marriage wouldn’t be compulsory and churches could
choose to opt out. This is staggeringly arrogant.
Imagine for a moment that the
Government had decided to legalise slavery but assured us that “no one will be
forced to keep a slave”.
Now we have to be careful when critiquing similes,
metaphors, and analogies. For example, the speaker of the House of Commons
(John Bercow) recently gave a speech in which he referred to our
“kaleidoscope
Queen”.
Now I’m not entirely sure what John B meant, but I am almost 100% sure that he
did
not mean that the Queen is rather
like a metal cylinder with a twirly bit on the end full of bits of translucent
plastic.
Many commentators have suggested that O’Brien was comparing
same-sex marriage to slavery (something which, funnily enough is, like polygamy and incest,
tacitly endorsed by the Bible [see eg Exodus 21:2]). What I think O’Brien was really trying
to say here (in his own clumsy way) is that, just because we are not forced to
join in an activity, does not imply that we should condone that activity.
But of course, as in every other one of his arguments, he’s
missing the point.
If an activity is something I disapprove of – like (say) watching
TV soap operas – then I ought to accept that providing it does no harm to
anyone (which I suppose might be debatable in the case of soap operas, but
let’s try and stick to general principles here) and providing I’m not forced to
join in, I can have no reasonable expectation that those who wish to engage in
such activities might be prevented, by law, from doing so. If, on the other hand, an
activity (like slavery) results in the suffering of third parties (ie those forced
into slavery) then I am entitled to every expectation that those who wish to
engage in such activities will be prevented, by law, from doing so.
If churches can freely refuse to conduct gay marriage
ceremonies (as it happens, I have never gone along with the notion that belief
in invisible sky residents should constitute a get-out-of-jail-free card for those
who would otherwise be prosecuted under laws against racist, sexist, or
homophobic discrimination, but that’s where we are) and if church goers can freely
decide to marry whomever they wish, what possible objection can the devout have
to
other people wishing to marry whomever they wish?
The entire argument is like saying that someone else’s
holiday in Skegness has devalued my
holiday in Tuscany – even if you were
inclined to go along with pairing of the Tuscany/Skegness axis with the
heterosexuality/homosexuality axis, which I’m not.
Needless to say, after this incoherent outburst, lots of
people on the internet began shouting “bigot” and “homophobe” at Cardinal
O’Brien and a Telegraph journalist for whom I have a great deal of respect (not
something I can say about most Telegraph journalists) Tom Chivers (@TomChivers)
opined that a) shouting “bigot” and “homophobe” wasn’t necessarily the best way
to win the arguments; and b) not everyone who opposes gay marriage is
ipso
facto a bigoted homophobe.
Tom pointed us all in the direction of a more measured article
on this subject by his colleague Ed West:
Gay marriage – why not just have a
referendum?".
Now I’m not really interested in the referendum question
per
se – not least because that simply begs the question: “Yes, but which way
should we vote in the referendum Ed?” – but we might examine Ed West’s arguments
that relate to the actual matter at hand.
West begins by observing that
a
huge amount of energy is being
expended on something actually quite unimportant.
The problem is that this “argument” can always be used
against doing anything that addresses the plight of a minority of people. There
will
always be something more important to do and the thing in question will
never get done.
West goes on to claim that
marriage has always been,
historically, between people of the opposite sex, and linked to procreation.
This immediately raises the two questions: 1) Is this actually
true? (to which the answer is almost certainly “no”) and, more importantly, 2)
Even if this is true, does this provide a “knock-down” argument in favour of the
proposition that we should not do things differently in future.
To be fair to West, he (partially) considers both these
questions (and thereby fatally undermines his own argument).
Of
course people unable to procreate get married.
On the other hand I accept that
just because this has always been the case, there’s no reason why things
shouldn’t change.
West then goes on to repeat O’Brien’s concerns about
children being deprived (specifically) of
fathers. West does not duplicate O’Brien’s
stridency, but he does duplicate O’Brien’s illogicality.
The only marriage that won’t have a (potential) father in it
would be a marriage between two women – who would presumably be lesbians. The
women in such a marriage might decide to raise a child – via sperm donation or
whatever – and that child would then grow up without a father. But, again, does
West seriously suppose that, blocked from entering into their marriage, the
women would have married men instead before raising children?
I suppose there is one area where
West and O’Brien might just have a case: lesbian adoption where the child in
question might otherwise have been adopted by a heterosexual couple. But if
this is the point, it should be spelt out and those making it should produce
the evidence in support of their assumption that lesbian parenting has worse
outcomes than heterosexual parenting – evidence that overwhelms the evidence already
cited:
Children Raised by Lesbians Do Just Fine, Studies Show.
West tries another tack:
Trying to change people’s hearts by law is always
problematic.
What? Like drink-driving? Or
beating children? Or racial discrimination? Or sex between consenting male adults? Or countless other areas where – at the time the law was changed – most
(or at least a great many) people’s hearts led them to oppose the change in the
law, but areas where the new status quo is now unquestioned by any remotely
mainstream thinker.
Just imagine that someone today
began to argue (as many of the devout in Northern Ireland continue to argue when it comes to
“religious community”) that only people of the same ethnicity should be
permitted to marry. We would call that person “racist”.
Given that those who oppose gay
marriage do so not because they have any well-reasoned arguments that lead them
to that opposition and that stand up to scrutiny, I am left wondering what,
other than prejudice, really drives them.
And if it is prejudice, what
should we
call it?
Oh and if I am ever asked to vote in an opinion poll or a referendum, I shall certainly now vote unequivocally in favour of same sex marriage and encourage everyone else to do likewise.
I also recommend (and acknowledge the influence of ) Martin Robbins's [@mjrobbins] excellent Guardian article
"The irrational and sinister campaign against gay marriage"