From SPIEGEL ONLINE
My translation (NB I've taken liberties with some of the more idiomatic language to try and accurately preserve the flavour of the remarks rather than the literal wording. I hope my more pedantic readers will forgive me.)
The Brexit negotiations
The nation that became a
ship of fools
No nation can surpass the
arrogance of the British. The sad truth is that a country which was once a
world power is now one that cannot even make its way to the door without
stumbling over its own feet.
A column by Jan Fleischhauer
Theresa May
In his book "Wir Deutschen", Matthias
Matussek describes an evening in the German Embassy in London. The ambassador
had invited everyone to an event held in honour of the novelist Antonia S.
Byatt. When Matussek toasted the writer, she surprised him by asking what he
thought of the European constitution. The journalist replied that he thought it
was probably appropriate for a European community of states to agree together on
a few basic principles.
Her heavily ringed hand remained hovering over her plate for a while,
then Lady Byatt announced: "You know, we British do not need constitutions,
we are the oldest democracy on earth." She paused. "For young nations
like you Germans, however, constitutions may have their place." Matussek
writes that it is difficult to describe just how nasal and pejorative the tone
of her remarks was. "She was basically saying: You are barbarians. You
have only just laid down your clubs and spears. You still need to be held in
check."
That is the British we know and love: Devoid of self-doubt
and always ready to put someone in his place - as they
would express it. The problem is that if you wish to behave as though you are
the centre of the world it helps to be the centre of the world – or at least be
something close to it – rather than on the European periphery.
The United Kingdom is providing a spectacular example of how to make a
fool of yourself in front of everyone. What was once the most powerful empire
in the world is now a country that cannot make its way to the door without
tripping over its own feet.
It is now 28 months since the British decided to say goodbye to the
European Union. Sadly, they have yet get up from the sofa.
When Theresa May presents a proposal in Brussels, one can be sure
that one day later this proposal will no longer be worth the paper it is
written on. Either she presents ideas that have long since been rejected in
Brussels, or she presents ideas that are quickly rejected by her own party and by Boris Johnson in his Daily Telegraph column.
Until recently, I felt pity when I saw the head of the British government bouncing across the screen at a summit, with her twisted smile and even more twisted offers. Nowadays, I find myself thinking, "May God be with you, but for God’s sake go!”
No deal is better than a
bad deal? If they are convinced of that in the UK then so be it. A hard Brexit will cost us dear, no question. But it will be far far more expensive for the
British.
My colleagues have written on the golden
future promised to the citizens of London. First, the lorries will back up as far as Wales because the borders have ground to a halt. Then, at the filling
stations, the fuel will dry up and drugs will become scarce in the hospitals. As Polish
plumbers are driven out of the country, people’s homes are threatened with water
damage and, sadly, no one will come over to fix the pipes when the lavatories start
to overflow.
So they will sit there in their dripping houses, without fuel oil and aspirins,
but with very bad-tempered Russian neighbours, who have put far too much money
into the English property market and are now furious to see their investments going down the drain. We all know how uncomfortably
bad-tempered Russians can become, dear Englishmen. Not a great time to be
running out of medication!
Brexit: At last, the vital answers to all your questions.
Almost everyone who has a say in Brexit belongs to the British
establishment – which is to say, they went to ridiculously expensive schools
and studied at Oxbridge. These people have now succeeded in enriching our
understanding of such places. What, for God's sake, do they learn there? Certainly
not any skills that prepare them for the real world. Or would you trust a
lawyer who regularly goes into negotiations so badly prepared that the meetings
have to be cancelled after a few minutes?
You simply have to immerse yourself in the flow of words from Mrs. May's
mouth, at any point, and you realize that you can even be Prime Minister
without having any connection to reality.
Journalist: If we
leave the EU without a deal, does not that mean that we will have a hard border
in Ireland?
May: We said
very clearly that we do not want to see a hard border between Ireland and
Northern Ireland.
Journalist: But if
we leave without a deal, you cannot guarantee that there will be no hard border,
right?
May: We're
working on a good deal.
Journalist: But if
we leave without a deal, there will be a border in Ireland, right?
May: If we leave
without a deal, we as the British Government will do our utmost to ensure that
there is no hard border between Ireland and Northern Ireland.
Journalist: But you
will fail because, according to WTO rules, there will have be a border. Should
not you admit this and explain it to the British people?
May: As the
British Government, we are determined to do everything we can to ensure that
there is no hard border between Northern Ireland and Ireland.
And so on. The downside of possessing intelligence is that it is painful
to witness stupidity. Stupid people are protected from this kind of pain thus,
when it comes to politics, stupid people have a distinct advantage over
intelligent people.
We do not want to be unfair. We are indebted to the British for
afternoon tea, Monty Python and the Beatles. These items represent more than many nations have achieved in their history. Also,
the British have the Queen, reason enough for a monarchist like me
to admire the kingdom. All nations, one might add, face decay at some point in their
histories - some slower, some faster.
The fact that the British are now on a downwards fast-track rather than on
a slower one may be related to the insularity that the Brexiters so vehemently
defend. I have never understood the notion that a people are best left alone. Anyone
who wishes to know what centuries of inbreeding can do need only look across
the English Channel: Brexit provides a valuable lesson for all those who dream
of ending European freedom of movement.
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Footnote:
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Footnote:
in which Byatt speaks against Brexit. As Simon put it: "Brexit has its roots in a mindset much wider and deeper than Leavers".
2) Jon Worth (@jonworth) has also criticised this piece
2) Jon Worth (@jonworth) has also criticised this piece
